July 31, 2010
I made it
Unlike Kevin Rudolf, I’m talking about making it through my Dry July challenge… Thanks to Sarahs Style Emporium I decide to go without shopping for the entire month of July – except my rules were a little different…
Rule #1 – no shopping for self, either in store, online or otherwise
Rule #2 – groceries, petrol, etc ok, magazines & junk food not
Rule #3 – gifts must come out of my [small] gift stash or be homemade
Rule #4 – no buying makeup, though replacing deodorant was really more a necessity
Rule #5 – other people couldn’t buy things for me to pay them back in August
Rule #6 – buying food for my puppy is, of course, allowed, but no toys or clothes
Rule #7 – shopping allowed during Bega holiday – but I have to love it [the golden rule!]
I’m so stoked tonight about it since there’s less than one hour left of July & tomorrow I’m allowed to shop! Although there are a few things I have learnt this past month:
- spending less time in shopping centres & beautiful stores results in me spending less
- all purchases should be thought about comparing needs to wants
- it’s more important to prioritise debt repayment & saving plans than to shop
Tomorrow I will be hitting the shops – just very specifically… I’ve avoided checking out the newly opened Forever New store at Burwood until I could purchase something if I wanted to so I’ll be doing that tomorrow as well as picking up some much needed storage pieces from Ikea for my apartment – finally getting the rest of my place in order!
This month has definitely changed the way I think about my money & what I do with it… I’ve been able to focus on figuring out a budget & have restructured my finances to make them work not only easier, but better… I’ll explain all the details in a future post…
Happy August everyone!
July 23, 2010
Confessions
How many times do you look at your credit card statement [or statements if you have multiple cards like most people] & feel that twinge of remorse or a sinking feeling in the pit of your gut?
I do.
I see the numbers on my statement – the credit limit, the available limit & the minimum payment & it’s painful… Statements going paperless has slightly eased the feeling but it doesn’t change anything…
I want this to be different – I want to have the freedom to follow my dreams… So watch this space… I will be honest & raw since once its out there I can’t hide it & I don’t want to… Wish me luck because it’s all about to change…
July 18, 2010
Its so hard to say goodbye… part #2
Somehow the words just seemed to flow – as though someone else was writing the words for me… Speaking the next day at his funeral was so hard… Wanting to hug him, have him there beside me instead of in the casket – nothing would have made it easier… Getting through the service was one thing, not crying through speaking was a whole other story…
I’ve been so blessed to be so included with his family in the aftermath as well – they have completely treated me like a daughter, including having me over to celebrate what would’ve been his 27th birthday…
Some say it’s better to have loved & lost than never loved at all… I have to agree… It’s incredibly painful loosing someone you love, but I wouldn’t trade loving him for anything… & now he’s not in pain – just that is enough to make everything I’ve been through worth it… I’ll see him again in Heaven one day & until then I have a responsibility to live & enjoy every moment… An existence is not an option – I have to make a difference… Somehow…
June 17, 2010
Its so hard to say goodbye…
When I first thought of writing a blog, I never expected all my posts to be talking about death & loss… But since it’s real to me in the season that I’m navigating, it make sense for me to write about it in my less than eloquant way…
Sunday was three months since he died… Who is he? He is my first love… Saying he was my love makes it sound like I don’t love him any more when I do – sometimes it feels like more than ever… I didn’t love anyone before him & none as intensely after him… After knowing him for 20 years & growing up with him around, I don’t think anyone else could have taken his place… He died after a very short, misdiagnosed battle… At first he was very run down & showed signs of jaundice so they thought it was a liver issue… After multiple mirco surgeries, they realised it wasn’t working… Somewhere along the line they started treating for cancer, but he deterotated quickly until one saturday afternoon three months ago, I got a call to say he went to sleep & didn’t wake up…
I can’t begin to discribe what it felt like to have my heart ripped out of my chest… All I remember is barely functioning over the next few days in the lead up to his funeral… It was hard to see his family so I let then know they could ask me for anything but I failed to see that they just needed the house to be noisy… They asked me to speak at his funeral – ending the eulogies from his sister, aunt & three best mates [one of whom is my brother]… I was honoured & scared all at the same time… I get nervous enough speaking to people but to be responsible for portraying his life? The night before I wrote out page after page trying to explain who he is to me…
August 20, 2009
Bittersweet Symphony
I don’t think The Verve could’ve summed up my emotions any better than in their 1997 hit “Bittersweet Symphony” with the words “Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony this life”.
I woke up on Saturday August 1st with a really strange feeling in the pit of my stomach – today was going to be a weird day – & it was… Not only did my best friend of 19 years get engaged, but my beautiful grandmother passed away… Both these events happened within an hour of each other which made things really hard to grasp…
Does it make you wonder why things happen like this? Something good with something bad? I think it’s a gentle reminder that you need to be always moving forward… I truly love my Granmama with all of my heart, but it won’t do me any good if I dwell on her not being here… I cry when I think of how she will never make it to my wedding or see my children, but I know that she’s no longer in pain & that’s more important… My best friend’s engagement & subsequent wedding planning has allowed me to focus on the now & the future – there’s a lot involved in being the Maid of Honour!
The life you live is dependant on the choices you make… I’m choosing to honour my Granmama & be the best me I can be… Don’t let your circumstances hold you back – choose your future…
R.I.P. Queenie Hannah Elisabeth ~ 31st May 1923 – 1st August 2009
